The Fruit Of The Spirit: The Seventh Fruit—Gentleness (Part 2)

by on February 26, 2025 | Comment

To get a true understanding of the fruit of gentleness, we must first think about the gentleness of Christ, which we meditated on in part one. Now we can start to think about gentleness in our own Christian lives. Jesus said we should learn from him (Matt 11:29). We learn many things from him, of course. The list includes gentleness. We learn about Christ’s gentleness from his call in Matthew 11:28–30. He also shows us gentleness in the way he dealt with crippled, hurting, guilty, and grieving people, as we read in the Gospels.

In our own lives, gentleness is a fruit that Christ’s Spirit matures in us. He cultivates the soil of our hearts, and from the implanted Word the seed grows into the fruit of gentleness. If the Holy Spirit is working in your heart, you can actually produce good fruit. The ability to bear fruit for God is a wonderful blessing that Christ gives us by his Spirit. As Paul says in Galatians 5:25, we must keep in step with the Spirit. In this context, that includes displaying the Spirit’s fruit in our lives.

For young women, true beauty within is a “gentle and tranquil spirit.” (1 Pet 3:4 NET). There is nothing wrong with outer beauty, but real beauty is a gentle spirit. Young men are called, like Timothy, to pursue gentleness (1 Tim 6:11). Both men and women who follow Christ are called to imitate him in displaying gentleness towards others. Elders and pastors are also called to be gentle rather than violent and aggressive (1 Tim 3:3). When elders or pastors correct others—even their opponents—they must do so with gentleness (2 Tim 2:25). This means that when it is time to nominate or elect men to serve as leaders in the church, be sure they are not violent, quarrelsome, or combative. Follow Scripture’s call and select men who are gentle, patient, and self-controlled.

To be clear, the call to gentleness is for every Christian. Paul urges all Christians to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, “with all humility and gentleness” (Eph 4:1–2). Whether young or old, male or female, the command in Scripture is to gentleness. We must let our gentleness be known to everyone (Phil 4:5). Do not overthink it! All followers of Christ are to show gentleness to all. It goes with the call to love others and show kindness to them. Just like you put on clothes for school or work in the morning, you are to wear the clothes of gentleness everywhere you go (Col 3:12 NLT).

Gentleness in Our Thoughts

Living the Christian life involves the mind (Matt 22:37). The fruit of the Spirit also involves our minds. We think about how to show love and be peacemakers. We contemplate what it means to be kind and gentle with someone. As he sanctifies us, the Spirit even renews our minds to make our thoughts more loving, peaceful, and gentle.

To be gentle in our thoughts or minds means to be gentle when we think about other people. We should not be thinking angry, violent thoughts about others. Plotting revenge and daydreaming of retaliation is sinful (Rom 12:19). A gentle mental mindset means thinking about how we can forgive someone who has wronged us. A gentle mind means planning to make peace instead of pursuing retaliation. Gentleness in our thoughts includes praying for the good of others, even people who are our enemies.

Gentleness should also show up in the thoughts we have about ourselves. It is not right to think hateful, angry, self-deprecating thoughts about ourselves. Just like we should be kind to ourselves in a biblical way, we should also be gentle towards ourselves. It goes like this: Christ is gentle with you because he loves you. Because of this reality, you should think of his gentleness and put these thoughts in your mind: “Christ loved me so much he gave his life for me. I am a follower of the King who is precious in his sight. He cares for me and is tender towards me. I don’t need to hate myself or think I’m a worthless piece of trash. In fact, I’m not at all. I’m precious in the sight of the Lord.” This is displaying the fruit of gentleness in our minds and thoughts.

Gentleness in Speech

Displaying the fruit of gentleness should also show up in our speech. Rather than speak words that are harsh, cruel, or vindictive, we refrain from evil speech (1 Pet 3:10). When we display the fruit of gentleness in our speech, we avoid telling jokes that hurt people. We also avoid gossip and spreading rumors because those things are antithetical to gentleness. Gentleness in speech applies whether we are in person, on the phone, texting, or on social media. Based on some things I have read, it seems as if some Christians think the ethics of Christian speech do not apply to texting, online forums, or social media. But in reality, there is no area of life in which we should not display the fruits of the Spirit. So yes, when you are typing or texting, the fruit of the Spirit should be evident, with love leading the way (Eph 4:15). When we speak the truth, we do so with love—as well as kindness, goodness, and gentleness. Because of this biblical teaching, Jonathan Edwards resolved: “Let there be something of benevolence in all I speak.”1 We could make the same resolution about our texting and online interactions.

You have perhaps heard this Proverb: “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Prov 15:1 NIV). Instead of using angry words with a harsh tone, the goal is to give a gentle answer to deflect anger (not increase it). When someone is angry with me, I sometimes want to yell angry words right back. But that is not the Christian way. Chrysostom was right when he said, “No matter how true your words may be, when you speak with anger, you ruin everything.”2 Lord, help us to answer anger with gentleness!

Another way to think about gentle speech is found in Paul’s directions: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). This is the way of Christ. He never used abusive language, slanderous speech, crude jargon, cruel satire, or corrupting talk.

Gentleness in speech is especially important in evangelism. Peter tells us to be ready to give an answer to the hope we have in Christ. But he said we should do it with “gentleness and respect” (1 Pet 3:16). If a Christian presents the gospel in a harsh or rude manner, it certainly does not reflect the truth that Christ is a gentle Savior calling sinners to rest in himself. When we share the gospel, we should not care about being trendy or cool, nor should we hope our evangelistic methods go viral. Our main motive for sharing the gospel should show in our tone and speech: love, which includes gentleness, kindness, and patience.

Sometimes, Christians do need to rebuke a fellow Christian when he or she sins. That is a biblical thing! But even when we rebuke someone in a firm way, it should also include gentleness and love. Right after Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit, he says we should restore a person “in a spirit of gentleness” if he is caught in sin (Gal 6:1 NLT). In whatever situation we are speaking, texting, or writing, we should make it our aim to display the fruit of gentleness.

Gentleness in Our Actions

The fruit of gentleness also includes our actions. This should be preaching to the choir in some ways. Christians know we should not physically harm or injure people. Christians are not people of violence and destruction. The Heidelberg Catechism (HC) exposits the fifth commandment by saying that it includes being “patient, peace-loving, gentle, merciful, and friendly” to our neighbor (HC 107). When we show the fruit of gentleness in our actions, we show sensitivity to people’s feelings, opinions, and customs. Gentleness means we work to make people feel at ease in our presence. We want people to trust us. We do not want them to be afraid of us. Gentleness means we treat people with respect and kindness even when we disagree.

We should also imitate Christ in being gentle towards those who are weary and burdened. If you are a Christian, follow Christ’s lead in being gentle to people who are struggling, hurting, depressed, and oppressed. Forget the politics of it all. Gentleness should be shown to those who are in distress and downtrodden, no matter what one’s political views. When the Thessalonian Christians were going through a hard time, Paul said he was like a gentle mother to them (1 Thess 2:7). Sometimes we have to channel a mother-like compassion and tenderness to those who are hurting. This is the way of the Lord (Isa 66:13)!

Speaking of mothers, gentleness is a virtue that should also be evident in the Christian home. Christian wives and mothers are to be gentle towards their husbands and children. But this is also a call for husbands and dads. Men, be gentle with your wife and children. Do not be rude, rough, chauvinistic, or disrespectful towards your wife. Treat her with the gentleness and love of Christ with the aim of nourishing and cherishing her (Eph 5:29). Be gentle with your kids and do not provoke them to anger (Eph 6:4). Practice displaying the fruit of the Spirit toward your wife and children. It will make their lives more pleasant and give them the opportunity to flourish in faith and life. In fact, gentleness practiced in the Christian home makes the house a blessed place to live where the Spirit’s presence will be obvious.

Conclusion

Gentleness is a virtue that the Spirit grows in a Christian’s heart. It is based on and flows from the gentleness of Christ. We who follow Christ should desire to grow in Christ-like gentleness. This fruit, like the others, glorifies God and makes life more pleasant for yourself and others around you.

In conclusion, I will share a few brief instructions on growing this wonderful fruit. First, pray! Ask the Holy Spirit to grow the fruit of gentleness more in your thoughts, words, and deeds. Second, think. Think about specific ways you can be gentle towards yourself and others. Third, learn. Memorize two or three Bible verses about gentleness that you can meditate on during those times when gentleness is not easy. Fourth, listen. Listen to the Holy Spirit when he brings Scripture to mind as he guides you to display his fruit. And finally, remember. Remember Christ’s gentleness towards sinners—including you. Be comforted by the fact that Christ is a gentle Savior who gives rest to weary souls. And be thankful that, by his Spirit, he makes you fruitful to the Lord.

Notes

  1. Jonathan Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, vol. 1 (Banner of Truth Trust, 1974), lxxiii.
  2. S. John Chrysostom, The Homilies of S. John Chrysostom Archbishop of Constantinople, on the Acts of the Apostles: Parts I & II, Hom. I–LV, A Library of Fathers of the Holy Catholic Church (Oxford; London: John Henry Parker; F. and J. Rivington, 1851–1852), 242.

© Shane Lems. All Rights Reserved.

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    Post authored by:

  • Shane Lems
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    Shane Lems is a graduate of Westminster Seminary California and has a DMin from RTS Orlando. He has been a church planter and pastor in the URCNA. Since 2013 he’s been serving as pastor of Covenant Presbyterian Church (OPC) in Hammond, WI. He is married and has four children. Shane has written numerous articles for Modern Reformation, New Horizons, and other publications. He is also the author of Doctrines of Grace: Student Edition and manages a book blog, The Reformed Reader.

    More by Shane Lems ›

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