Abusers are master manipulators.  They know how to manipulate people and situations in such a way that they appear innocent.  In fact, they can even turn the tables on their victims and make it appear as if they’re the ones who’ve been abused.  In this short series of blog posts, I want to examine some of the tools abusers use to achieve their goals.  This is with the aim of helping you recognize these tools when they’re being employed.  Knowledge is power.

Today, to conclude this series, let’s learn about love bombing.  The best way to understand this technique is with a story.  Imagine a single woman.[i]  She gets asked out.  From the start the man showers her with lavish gifts and affection.  He’s over the top with his compliments.  He insists on paying for everything, even if she says that she’d like to pay her share.  He bombards her with text messages throughout the day with expressions of his love for her.  The man insists that he needs to know where she is at all times because he loves her so much and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her.  He tries to isolate her from her “toxic” family and friends because, as he puts it, they don’t and can’t love her the way he does.  With his “affection” he convinces her to confide in him about her weaknesses – knowledge which he can later weaponize against her.

As the relationship proceeds, she begins to see more of his true colours.  He becomes more overtly abusive, verbally, physically, and sexually.  After each episode of abuse, he comes with an expensive gift and an apology.  Sometimes he even has tears – “Look at everything I’ve done for you.  You can’t leave me now.”  He starts all over again with the compliments and kindness…until the next abusive episode when the cycle starts all over again.

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Wes Bredenhof | “The Abuser’s Toolbox: Love Bombing” | November 21, 2024

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