The Fruit Of The Spirit: The Eighth Fruit—Self-Control (Part 2)

by on March 26, 2025 | Comment

A Definition and Details of Self-Control

In a moment, I will point out a few places in Scripture that talk about the layers of self-control we began talking about in part one. But first, let me give a two-part definition. On the one hand, self-control is saying no to sinful emotions, words, and actions, even if you feel like doing them. For example, later this week, you might feel like yelling angry words at someone. But self-control means you stop yourself from doing so. You say no to angry speech.

On the other hand, self-control is saying yes to good emotions, words, actions, and doing what is right even when you do not feel like it. For example, you may not feel like helping your elderly neighbor with a flat tire on his car. But self-control kicks in and you help him because it is the right thing to do.

This is important: our feelings are often irrelevant when it comes to self-control and obedience. In our Christian walk, we do not follow our feelings; we follow the commands of Scripture. This is one reason parents sometimes tell their children to say “sorry” even if they do not feel like it. We need to do the right thing even when our feelings do not want us to. Just remember that self-control is not led by feelings or emotions but by Scripture and the guidance of the Spirit.

Paul said that we should not think about how to gratify our sinful desires. Instead, he wrote, we should “clothe ourselves with Christ” (cf. Rom 13:14). Self-control means controlling our desires and feelings. The Christian has a duty to maintain control of his desires so they do not lead him to sin. One example in Scripture is how Paul tells believers not to grieve too much at the loss of a loved one (cf. 1 Thess 4). If we do not control our grief, we will look like unbelievers who have no hope.

In general, controlling ourselves also means moderating our reactions and emotions so we do not flip out or lose control of our words or actions. We must not let our emotions go wild and unbridled. Self-control applies to our sexual desires, desires for revenge, desires for more money, desire for attention, and so on. The call is to moderate our desires and control them so they do not cause us to sin.

We should maintain control of our bodies as well. Paul said he disciplined his body and kept it under control for the sake of his ministry (1 Cor 9:27). The Christian belongs to Christ—body and soul. Christ’s redemption includes our bodies, which is one reason why we are to maintain control over them. We control our hands and feet by not using them for evil but for good. We keep our bodies sexually pure, controlling our bodies so we can live in holiness (1 Thess 4:3–4). It is God’s will that we control our bodies and keep them from sexual sin.

There is overlap here between our thoughts and actions. For instance, as a Christian, I desire to be self-controlled in both my thoughts and actions when it comes to sex. I should control my thoughts and not daydream about sexual sin. I control my actions and do not let my fingers type or click to visit explicit websites. I also try to control my angry thoughts and avoid letting angry words slip out of my mouth. And so on. Thoughts and actions are related when we exercise self-control.

Scripture even says we should control our eating and drinking. First of all, drinking too much alcohol is sinful. Do not get drunk (Eph 5:18)! If you drink alcohol, control yourself and do not drink too much. If you drink too much, it will make you lose control and do sinful things. Self-control is to be practiced in our eating. Gluttony is a sin right next to drunkenness (Prov 23:20).

Some Christians do not struggle with eating too much; they struggle with eating too little. Self-control needs to kick in here as well. We should eat in a way that shows care for our bodies and eat enough to maintain our health. It is not practicing self-control to starve yourself. Sadly, in our image-centered world, many Christians get caught up with their image. If you are starving yourself to look like someone on the movie screen, pray for self-control to help you eat in a healthy manner. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image (Ps 139:6). Starving yourself to look like a model is not the way of Christ. You belong to him, so please him by taking care of yourself! Your goal should not be to look like a model but to please Christ and model (imitate) him (2 Cor 5:9b, 1 Cor 11:1).

Most of us know what James said about the tongue. If we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and able to control ourselves in every way (Jas 3:2). James also wrote that our speech can cause major damage like that of a forest fire (Jas 3:5). So with God’s help, we need to control our speech. Perhaps Dietrich Bonhoeffer was thinking about this when he wrote about the ministry of holding our tongue.1 That is a pretty good way to put it: holding your tongue is a ministry that can prevent fires. The psalmist even prayed about this: “[Lord,] set a guard over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Ps 141:3).

Self-control also involves our daily schedules and routines. Paul tells us to make the best use of the time God has given us (Eph 5:16). The older translations use the phrase, “Redeem the time.” It means we should not squander opportunities God has given us, but with wisdom make the most of the time we have in this world. This means we practice self-control to avoid laziness and excessive time-wasting. While it is not wrong to take a nap and relax in other ways, Christians should be careful not to spend countless hours wasting time. Is it “redeeming the time” when we scroll for hours each day watching videos, shorts, news clips, or social media? Self-control sometimes (often!) means shutting the screen off and doing something more worthwhile.

Self-control includes refusing to spend too much time at work. Some people simply work too much and it absorbs their lives. Exercising self-control means saying “no” to overworking. It means saying “yes” to prioritizing our time and balancing our schedules. When we utilize this fruit of the Spirit in our schedules, it leaves us time to pray, worship each Lord’s day, spend time with our families, and help others in need. If you do not utilize self-control over your time and schedule, your life will spin out of control, you will likely be tired from lack of sleep, and you will not have time for important things like worship and relationships. So we pray with the psalmist, “Teach us to number our days, so we can gain a heart of wisdom (Ps 90:12).

In some ways, self-control is like a muscle. When you exercise it, it will grow. If you do not exercise self-control, it will not grow. In biblical terms, “Be doers of the word, not hearers only” (Jas 1:22). Do not just think about self-control; do it! Practice it in small things and big things. Good habits are good for us. Daily routines are a good help for self-control. Sometimes, you just need a routine to keep you from squandering time and to help you prioritize the most important things. In God’s great wisdom, he gave us a pattern of one day of rest followed by six days of work. In our New Covenant era, the first day of the week is the Lord’s Day. It has priority!

Conclusion

A great concluding thought about self-control is contemplating the fact that Christ was perfectly self-controlled in all areas of life. He never lashed out in sinful anger or slanderous speech. He never drank too much or ate like a glutton. He never let his thoughts and emotions get out of control. All of his actions, words, thoughts, and emotions were controlled in a perfect way. In other words, Jesus perfectly displayed the fruit of self-control (and all the other fruit of the Spirit!). This is part of his perfect obedience as our perfect Savior.

Although we should work on displaying the fruit of the Spirit, our salvation does not depend upon it. Our salvation depends on Christ, who perfectly loves us, is faithful, good, and kind towards us. Our salvation depends on him who is the great Peacemaker, who is gentle with us and perfectly self-controlled in all his characteristics. Because of who Christ is and what he has done, we can be thankful for the gift of his Spirit who enables us to be fruitful for God, pleasing to him, and a blessing to people around us. Those things make life more pleasant for us. Indeed, the fruit of the Spirit are sweet virtues and great blessings from God. He is so good that he not only promises us great blessings in the age to come; he also showers lovely blessings on us in this present age. “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life” (Rom 6:22).

Note

  1. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: Harper & Row, 1954), p. 91.

© Shane Lems. All Rights Reserved.

You can find this whole series here.

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    Post authored by:

  • Shane Lems
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    Shane Lems is a graduate of Westminster Seminary California and has a DMin from RTS Orlando. He has been a church planter and pastor in the URCNA. Since 2013 he’s been serving as pastor of Covenant Presbyterian Church (OPC) in Hammond, WI. He is married and has four children. Shane has written numerous articles for Modern Reformation, New Horizons, and other publications. He is also the author of Doctrines of Grace: Student Edition and manages a book blog, The Reformed Reader.

    More by Shane Lems ›

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