Abusers are master manipulators. They know how to manipulate people and situations in such a way that they appear innocent. In fact, they can even turn the tables on their victims and make it appear as if they’re the ones who’ve been abused. In this short series of blog posts, I want to examine some of the tools abusers use to achieve their goals. This is with the aim of helping you recognize these tools when they’re being employed.
Today let’s learn about flying monkeys. It’s a strange term and the meaning isn’t immediately obvious. It originates with the old Wizard of Oz film. Rather than attack Dorothy and her friends directly, the Wicked Witch of the East sent flying monkeys after them. Flying monkeys are proxies, fill-ins for the abuser. He may not be able to harass or even speak to his victim, but he can still get to her and make her life miserable through his flying monkeys (N.B.: while women can also be abusers, statistics show that men are more likely to be abusers — hence, I will use “he” for the abuser and “she” for the victim).
Flying monkeys are a favourite tool of narcissistic abusers. They use them to maintain control – they may not be able to have direct contact with their victim, but the flying monkeys are like extendable tools. They use them to shield themselves from accountability, creating distance from direct confrontation. Narcissistic abusers use flying monkeys to create a certain perception of themselves (positive) and their victim (negative) in their shared social network. As noted on this website, “By enlisting others to spread misinformation, the narcissist molds a narrative that aligns with their agenda, further tarnishing the victim’s reputation.”
Wes Bredenhof | “The Abuser’s Toolbox: Flying Monkeys” | September 23, 2024
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I appreciate this post because it reminds us that abusers are masters of manipulation and they know which buttons to push to gain sympathy, hence their “flying monkeys” react to rescue the abusers from meanies who are on to them and who are trying to expose and warn others. Also, I agree with Mary as I am the mother of a good Christian man who got caught in the web of a sociopath when he was a youth. Let us be “wise as serpents and harmless as doves” in this fallen world. Much appreciation to Dr. Clark and Wes Bredenhof for their work/ministry in exposing this evil.
I gloried in working as an independent specialty-foods promotion/sales rep after being vilified, victimized and ground down by fellow females — superiors AND peers — at several workplaces over the decades. MOST liberating, praise God!
AND… John MacArthur has dishonorably served as a flying monkey by proxy by calling out women who refused to make Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man” their anthem when their husbands were abusive, unfaithful, and more. I opt out of all Bible study classes based on any of MacArthur’s books.
Hmm…I think when talking about flying monkeys and whatnot, narcissistic WOMEN tend to be the chief abusers in the emotional abuse realm. By far.
Men ( the author contends) are statistically more abusive than women, and that may be so (or may not, as women tend to report these things far more than men so) in the physical/ sexual abuse numbers.
But when talking straight up emotional abuse, women take the cake, and send the monkeys far more than men.